Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
