Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
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