id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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