she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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