Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
