You're completely useless in the revolution.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
