the day after is always just damage control
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize