that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
