I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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