I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
