I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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