What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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