is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
