Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
