you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
