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I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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