My girlfriend figured out who you are.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
