Buhtt sex?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
