Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
