Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Also, beer. Big fan.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize