i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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