I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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