just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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