I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
