shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
