She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
