I like my sex mixed with concussions.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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