Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I checked into jail on foursquare
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize