I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
