It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
