Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize