It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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