Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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