Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
