it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The feeling are messing with the penis
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
