i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize