Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize