So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
