you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
