let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
try to milk me bitch
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