can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
this boner is exhausting
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
