He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize