10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize