you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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