and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
