I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
