The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
