I accidentally had phone sex last night
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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