she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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