you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You are the jesus of drinking
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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