I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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