As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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