on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
