Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
