11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Is it because I queefed?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
