well I can't set my house on fire every night
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize