Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
