I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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