Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
