Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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