he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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